P is for PETA

Wow, it's been a long time since I've gotten on this thing. I thought maybe it had already evaporated into the intertubes or something, but I guess they really meant it when they said that things on the internet stay up forever. Anyways, I'd just like to put it out there that even though years have passed and times have changed significantly since I last posted, I'll also say that 1.) I still have ire, and that 2.) there are many things worthy of it.

Today's subject is one not-so-near-and-dear to my heart, namely PETA. The media and a veritable cornucopia of celebrities would tell you that that particular acronym stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, but they're lying through their impeccably-capped teeth. What it really stands for is Pornographers Engaged in Tactless Advertising. You'd be surprised at just how many Hollywood starlets and other easily-manipulated college girls are willing to take off their clothes for these people, just so they can feel better about being drooled over by truckers. Hey, at least the cause is a worthy one, right?

More like one worthy of my ire. For starters, let's take a look at some statistics about PETA's "animal shelters": here we see the kill rates of animals accepted to a PETA-run shelter in Virginia. For an organization that wants to put off a hippy-dippy, good feelin' drum circle vibe, they sure do like killing their "friends". I guess their plan to "phase out" companion animals is to literally phase them out of life by the thousands. How 'bout that. Just think about where your money's going next time you buy one of their "I'm Not A Nugget" necklace charms: is it going to buy body paint for sidewalk protesters? Will it be used to purchase euthanasia drugs? Perhaps fake blood to lob at runway models? Or will it go towards their decades-old campaign to pull hapless celebrities into an arguably-misogynistic image campaign? The world may never know, because even though PETA releases annual financial statements, I'm no accountant and therefore have no clue what most of the numbers and labels on this thing even mean, much less what it tells me about their funds allocation strategies.

tl;dr Jennifer Lawrence was right to say "screw PETA", though if we consider the organization's usual advertising methods, there's a good chance this could be taken far more literally than Ms. Lawrence ever imagined.

Go eat a burger or something. I know I will.